Say it ain't so
by Embrace The Confusion
Summary: The end? Or the beginning? Or A one shot set to Adele's water under the bridge


"Please, please don't say it."

 _If you're not the one for me_

 _Then how come I can bring you to your knees_

 _If you're not the one for me_

 _Why do I hate the idea of being free?_

"Lex, I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"What do you mean? Don't you get it?" Lexa stands to move around the counter. "I tell you how I really feel and this is it? You know how hard it's been, you know how hard it is for me to say it!"

"I know, I know I just don't think I'm the right person for you." Clarke moves to pick her bag up of the floor. "I get it ok, I do."

"Don't you think I'm the judge of that. Don't, don't do this." Lexa pleads moving closer to Clarke.

"I. Come here." Clarke places her hands on Lexa's cheeks. "I'm sorry, you have to believe me. I'm sorry." With a final hug Clarke makes her way out of Lexa's apartment. "Sorry" she mouths as she closes the door behind her. Lexa waits until the door closes firmly before she lets the tears flow.

 _And if I'm not the one for you_

 _You've gotta stop holding me the way you do_

 _Oh honey if I'm not the one for you_

 _Why have we been through what we have been through_

"Lexa you have to open the door!"

Burying herself further into the blanket Lexa lets out a sigh. "I'm not in the mood!" She calls back.

"I've brought snacks, I also have a spare key so you have until the count of three before I open it myself. One, two." The door opens with Lexa still wrapped in her blanket with puffy eyes. "Well don't you look like shit."

"Thanks." Glaring at Anya Lexa grabs the bag of snacks and pulls out a beer from the fridge. "Beer?"

"No. You need to stop drinking."

"If I drink I don't feel, I don't want to feel." Lexa's lips begin to shake as she takes a swig from her bottle.

"Lex, talk to me. I've let you be for almost a week." Grabbing Lexa's hands Anya pulled her towards the sofa.

"I'm scared if I do I won't know how to stop."

"You won't know if you don't start. Start from the beginning."

Placing her head on Anya's shoulder "I don't understand. After everything we've been through. Our parents, her dad, Costia and Finn. I thought." A sob escapes as she tries to calm herself. "I thought Clarke might just see what I see, you know?"

"You know I love you but you can't expect someone to just love you back, especially when you and Clarke have been friends for as long as you have. Maybe she just didn't realise that's how you felt."

"And that's the part that hurts the most."

"So tell me, explain it to me. Maybe you'll feel better for it."

"Ok. You know she's always been there. When our parents died she was the first one I went to, I couldn't look at you, I couldn't see them. When we buried them she was the one holding my hand. I didn't know what it meant at the time we were thirteen and best friends. Then her dad died and she practically moved in with us and I still didn't know. She's always there, every relationship and break up she showed up first. I know Raven and Octavia were there but not like Clarke."

"Did you tell Clarke this?"

"Not in so many words."

 _It's so cold out here in your wilderness_

 _I want you to be my keeper_

 _But not if you are so reckless_

"I told her I loved her once before."

"When? And why did you not tell me this?"

"I didn't say anything because she didn't realise what I actually meant. It was her twentieth birthday, she rang me and was rather drunk. She told me how much she missed me and wished I could be there. Then she rambled on about her party and her other friends, as she went to hang up I told her to be careful and that I loved her. The moment I said it I froze but she laughed and said I quote, I love you too you dork. So I knew at that moment she didn't feel the same way."

 _If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_

 _Don't pretend that you don't want me_

 _Our love ain't water under the bridge_

 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

"Listen to me Lex, you really need to decide if Clarke saying no is really worth losing your friendship over. It won't be the same I know this but you have to try. Look at it from Clarkes point of view. You've been friends for years all through school, college and now and you've never said a thing. What happened? What did you say? What did Clarke say?" Shifting slightly on the sofa to get more comfortable Anya placed Lexa's head on her lap and began to idly play with her hair.

"She came round for movie night like she does when she isn't working the night shift. It was a normal night I cooked us some food and we ate it as we watched the movie. After it ended we opened the wine and just chatted about everything as usual. She told me her and Finn were done for good this time, then she brought up Costia and asked again why we split up. I don't know why, I don't know if it was because of the wine or the fact that she was looking at me like really looking at me. So I told her she were the reason."

"Lexa, you can't jus-"

" I know ok. I know. I realised as soon as I said it but I couldn't take it back. I watched her go from smiling, to confused then angry to nothing. I couldn't read her Anya, all these years I've been able to tell what Clarke is thinking but I couldn't , I couldn't this time and it terrified me." Sitting up Lexa turned to face Anya. "What if this is it? What if she never speaks to me again? She's already ignored my texts."

"You need to give her time. What did she after you told her it was her fault?"

"She was angry, like I haven't seen her like it before but she also looked confused and hurt and asked why I'd blame her. I panicked I didn't know what to do, so I told her the truth I'd already lied to her and myself for years. I just said that Costia wasn't her, at her confusion I looked her in the eye hoping she'd get it. She shook her head as to not believe me. I love her, I really do I just don't know how to not be in love with her. How can I expect Clarke to still be a friend when I can't do that for her?"

Pulling her into a hug Anya replied "you really love her?" At Lexa's nod she continued "then fight for her."

Pulling away Lexa looked at her confused "what do you mean? You said I had to give her space."

"I know what I said, I hate seeing you like this. I knew you loved her I just didn't realise how much in love you were with her. Also I see the way Clarke looks at you too it isn't much different from the way you look at her."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying get up off this sofa and go fight for what you want."

Clambering to get up of the sofa Lexa drops a kiss to Anya's cheek. "Thanks sis."

"Hey what are big sisters for but you might want to change first." She called out before Lexa left the apartment.

 _What are you waiting for?_

 _You never seem to make it through the door_

 _And who are you hiding from?_

 _It ain't no life to live like you're on the run_

 _Have I ever asked for much?_

 _The only thing that I want is your love_

Lexa approached Clarkes apartment. "You can do this. You've already said it you can do it again." Taking a deep breathe she knocks on the door.

Opening the door Clarke is a little surprised to see Lexa standing there. "What are, Lexa?"

"Look Clarke I know what I said and I know you need space but can I please come in? Can we talk? Like really talk?" Clarke stepped aside to let her in. "Thank you." Walking into the kitchen out of habit she turns back to Clarke. "Can you hear me out fully before you ask me to leave?"

"Yes." Clarke replies grabbing a glass from the cupboard. "Drink?" She pours Lexa one anyways.

"Thank you." Sipping the water to calm her a little Lexa turns to fully face Clarke. "I know you think I caught you off guard with what I said but really think about it, you knew, deep down you knew." She looks up to see Clarke looking anywhere but at her. "Clarke listen to me, I told you I loved you and you said you weren't the right one for me. How do you know that? How can you decide if you are or aren't? Surely I'm the judge of that."

"Lexa please. I don't want to hurt you."

"What are you afraid of? We've been best friends for years-"

"That's it, that's what scares me." She places the glass down on the counter and takes a couple steps back. "I don't want to lose a friend."

"Friend is a loose term when you've known how I've felt about you. Don't lie Clarke, it wasn't a shock Costia and I broke up, everyone knew I kept comparing all my girlfriends to you. So please don't lie." Taking a few steps towards Clarke she can see the tears forming. "Just please be honest with me. I can take it. If you say no I won't run, I'll be hurt but I'll get over it, if friendship is all you want then that's ok." Standing in front of her now Lexa wipes the tear from Clarkes cheek. "Please. Please don't say it. Don't say our love is water under the bridge."

 _If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_

 _Don't pretend that you don't want me_

 _Our love ain't water under the bridge_

 _Say it ain't so, say it ain't so_

 _Say that our love ain't water under the bridge_

"Do you remember my twentieth birthday?" Clarke look up at Lexa as she nods. "Do you remember talking to me? You told me to be careful and you loved me."

"I remember but I don't know wh-"

"That was the first time you said it to me and I didn't know what to do so I laughed it off in true Griffin fashion. It sobered me up pretty quickly."

"I don't understand."

"I got scared. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to feel. You never said it again so I threw myself into my relationship with Finn. I saw the way you looked at the two of us and when you broke up with Costia I was relieved, I didn't know why at the time as I had Finn. I'm scared Lexa."

Placing her hands either side of Clarkes cheeks Lexa bent forward until their noses were touching. "You don't have to be."

"I am, and I'm terrified that I'll screw it up and that I'll lose you for good."

"You won't lose me." Lexa brushes her lips against Clarkes. "Stop worrying, I'm here, I love you, I want you. The rest we can figure out later. I just need you to want me back."

Staring into Lexa's eyes Clarke has a small smile appear "our love ain't water under the bridge." Grinning fully now when she sees Lexa smile she closes the gap once more.


End file.
